Archive for the 'Reidisms' Category


Lady in the box

We went to the wake of a very distant relative this past weekend & Reid came up with another gem:

“Is that lady in the box in there because she lost all her energy?”

Oh, and is this the creepiest thing you’ve ever seen or what?  It’s some kind of bizzarre severed hand clip thing that was next to the guest book at the funeral home.



Don’t be so difficult

Yesterday, Costco. He sees a large-ish Santa figure decoration thing.  Touches the beard, cocks his head and says, “This is a difficult Santa, but he has a wonderful shirt.”  Older guy pushing a cart that overhears it stops & bows his head in a chuckle.  I seriously love it when he puts a smile on a stranger’s face, it’s the best. 🙂

He’s also been writing Scott notes about me, chronicling my day.  I’m going to have to watch my step, thanks to the little snitch.  So far they’ve been benign things like “Mom is sick.”  But who knows when he’s going to let the cat out of the bag about the bodies I buried in the back yard.

Emma is in Branson (w/ Kim & Cody), and she spent her vacation money on getting wax statues of her hands & feet.  I can think of thousands of no uses for these things!



Like a Scranton party, he don’t stop

Yes, it’s time for another installment of Reidisms.  Both were while in the grocery store on separate occasions.

He stops cold in his tracks, takes a quick pan of the general area and says in a low voice, “All these people are space pirates and I don’t trust them.”

He was being obnoxious, jumping around doing superhero-ish moves and kept getting in the way of other shoppers.  So I gave him a stern “Settle down!”  To which he replied, “Mom, you are wasting all my fun.”

On another note, he can recite the entire opening sequence to Voltron, and does it often:

“From days of long ago, from uncharted regions of the universe, comes a legend. The legend of Voltron: Defender of the Universe. A mighty robot, loved by good, feared by evil. As Voltron’s legend grew, peace settled across the galaxy. On Planet Earth, a Galaxy Alliance was formed. Together with the good planets of the Solar System, they maintained peace throughout the universe until a new horrible menace threatened the galaxy. Voltron was needed once more. This is the story of the superforce of space explorers. Specially trained and sent by the alliance to bring back, Voltron: Defender of the Universe.”

We had parent-teacher conferences a couple days ago, and of course Emma got her usual glowing report from all her teachers.  Even the principal came up to me & said how much he enjoys her and that she always puts a smile on his face (Geez, what a brown noser!  The PRINCIPAL?!).  She amazes me with how awesome she does in school, but I was the same, so am going to take some genetic credit for that. 😉  I just wish she could share a bit of the good behavior & motivation love here at home.  Oh and her math teacher is kind of hot and loves baseball, so I enjoyed that conference especially. 😀

It was our first conference for Reid, and we weren’t surprised that his teacher adores him.  She said that Reid is one of the most charming kids she has ever taught and that he totally cracks her up.  I told her at open house she would fall in love with him, and she remembered that & said she absolutely did.  He’s doing really well for the most part, needs to work on being distracted by shiny things, but is right on pace with where he should be.  So no worries that my kid is going to fail coloring & ABC’s.

You may be hearing me bitch & moan about recovering from oral surgery (3 wisdom teeth desperately need to be pulled), so stay tuned!  You won’t want to miss that!  May be a good way to lose some more weight, though.


A couple new ones, just for Melzer

(For those of you who don’t know Melzer’s boy Cameron, they are peas in a pod and we enjoy their similar -isms.  They should go bowling together or something.)

Today in the car, Reid said that on Halloween he was going to wear his Spiderman costume that he already has.  Then he pops off with this ridiculous run-on sentence:  “After I put my costume on I’m going to have you drive me to the hospital and have the doctor cut my fingers off and put web shooters in them and then he will put my fingers back on and I will shoot webs at people on Halloween.”  Once I explained that (a) it was impossible and (b) it would hurt, he decided against it.

Yesterday was his kindergarten checkup, he did great with the five shots and is in the 90th percentile for height & 85th for weight.  They estimate he will be about 6’1″.  Shocking, with Scott being 6’4″ and all.  Both of my kids are going to look down on me like the Jolly Green Giant does to Sprout.  But hey, I will have lots of people to help me get things from high shelves.

So, back to topic, he had a pretty funny one at the doctor as well.  She was going through scenarios to be sure he understood what kinds of things are dangerous.  The first one was something like, “Pretend I’m one of your school friends and I tell you that I know where my Daddy keeps his guns.  What would you say if I asked if you want to get them out & play with them?”  The other one was, “What if I had some matches and asked if you wanted to play with fire?”  OMG, the kid answered a solid but nervous “sure!” to both of those questions.  Like he knew it was wrong, but since the doctor asked him that he should go along with it since she’s an authority figure or something.  I honestly think he was taking it as the doc asking him to do them LOL.  Thanks a lot, buddy, for giving me the last bit of oomph I needed for my Mother of the Year award.

Oh and he found it weird but funny to pee in a cup, but the big kicker to him was that I gave it to the nurse.  He thought I had lost my gourd.


Quite possibly the funniest thing he’s said

I know you are probably sick of hearing about the silly little things Reid says, but this one probably takes the cake. I wish I could record what’s in my brain, because the whole “had to of been there” thing does apply to a degree.

So we had our friends over last night, their little girl is Reid’s best friend. When they arrived, Reid was having some *ahem* potty issues to put it delicately. He gets constipated and has a heck of a time when this happens, we usually have to take a few attempts before he can actually go.

We’re eating dinner and he still hadn’t been able to produce, and was wriggling in his chair trying to find a comfortable way to sit. In the words of James Lileks, he got a call from the basement that a delivery was on the way. All the sudden he makes this sigh/grunt sound and says “Uuuuuugh, my butt is trying to kill me.” Totally serious, absolutely deadpan. We all about fell out of our chairs laughing.

That is one I’m sure we will be sharing with his future wife. 😀


Another quick Reidism

I’m mainly blogging this so I don’t forget it, but thought someone else may get a chuckle.

Upon putting a way-too-large baseball cap on his head, Reid asked me, “Do I look cheap, nice or colorful?”


The things that my boy says

Scott, Reid and I were on one of our regular Costco trips, to get Reid’s usual fix of a truckload of fruit.  All the sudden, this conversation went down:

Reid:  I don’t want to be scared to death.  Is death nice?

Scott & I: (confused mumblings, shrugs & general confusion on what to say, which we never came up with before Reid started talking again)

Reid: I think he’s nice.  I’m going to be his best friend and call him Dave.

Us: (laughter)

Reid: He drives a green van and it’s REALLY pretty.  Yep, it’s green!

Seriously, you just can’t make this stuff up.  Unless you are a monkey that smokes crack.  So, if you are out & about and come across the angel of death in a green mini-van (he must need the room for his scythe), just wave and say hi to good ol’ Dave for us!

As I’m typing this, he’s in the kitchen by himself eating his fruit and said, “Oh fruit, I love you!” and then giggled.

What a kid.